A Gauntlet of Insults and Injuries
by Aquatic-Idealist
Summary: The staff at KOEI set up a debating tournament for the various actors and players involved in their "Three Kingdoms" Department. A certain "adviser" is all too eager to achieve dominance and finally get all the fangirls he deserves. AU-ish.


**A Gauntlet of Insults and Injuries**

As the majestic Koei building loomed over the world, a man with a black hat ran eagerly towards this.

"I'm going to ace this..." He chuckled loudly to himself. "I am so going to ace this, I'm..."

Before he reached the building, however, he noticed that there ware various pillars placed in a courtyard near the Koei building.

"You there!" A large, burly man walked up to the black-hatted fellow.

"It's Lu Bu. Lu Bu's... Going to kill me?" The black-hatted man cocked his head curiously.

"Um, I can't do that today. And I got leave without pay for breaking some loser's arm a few weeks back. And you! You've been absent from work for a few weeks now."

"Well! I've been practicing for this tournament. Besides, you aren't my manag-"

"But I am, Sima Yi!" Cao Cao, the Duke of Wei strolled forward to greet our intrepid hero. "And on behalf of our great employer I need answers. Why have you taken unauthorized days off?"

Sima Yi groaned. "I needed time to prepare for this tournament. I've heard that many fans will attend, and if I manage to crush Zhuge Liang with words, all of his fangirls will be mine!... And besides think of the publicity, think of the ratings, THINK OF THE MONEY! This show will be remembered for generations."

Cao Cao crossed his arms. "Very well. Fengxian, I trust that you are in charge of helping some of the scholars onto the stages?"

Lu Bu laughed. "Yeah, those weaklings couldn't climb these. Of the so-called top strategists I think only Zhou Yu and maybe you, Zhongda, could climb them."

Sima Yi smirked. "Aye. Let me show you!"

With deft precision, the Grand General scampered up the huge stone pillar. At the very top was a flat, round disc. A large disc upon which one could place various notes and helpful arguments.

But as Sima Yi climbed to the top of one of the pillars, he saw another scholar perched on a nearby pillar.

A voice yelled from somewhere: "Preliminary Match! Oh wow, Zhongda, you're finally here. I haven't seen you in... Anyway: we have an eager challenger, Sima Yi, VS a promising contestant, Zhang Song!"

"... Zhang Song? The man who could barely administer a small farm? Hey, how long does Liu Zhang have to live when he has you as his strategist?" Sima Yi chuckled.

"Silence, fool!" Zhang Song, Assistant to the Governor of Shu Province growled.

"Wow..." Pang Tong muttered from an observer deck in the Koei building. "He really is ugly..."

"Show us what you've got!" The announcer Zhao Yun called. "Make the Riverlands proud, Zhang Song. Show the people the fury of Henan, Sima Yi."

"Pfffffttttt..." Sima Yi grinned. He pointed a finger at Zhang Song. "To say that this man is a capable debater is to say that a cow can kind of fill in for a horse. What words of meaning would he have for our esteemed crowd? This is a man whose best accomplishment was entering into a plot to have someone else evict his Lord. And he wasn't even the one who provided the best ideas for it! Master Pang over in the bleachers and Master Fa Zheng who is somewhere I don't want to know were the instigators of that rebellion. Zhang Song was little more than an ambassador who got totally enamored with Liu Bei."

Zhang Song's face turned red with fury. "But you! You got rid of Cao Shuang..."

"And is there anyone here who would honestly say it was a bad idea? Fanboys and girls of Shu, would you support Cao Shuang? Fanboys and girls of Wu, you probably hate Jin even more than Shu does, but would you have supported Cao Shuang? Some of you served under Sun Hao... You know how nightmarish that kind of pompous brat can be..."

"I... I don't need to hear this from you."

"Indeed, you do not!" Sima Yi thrust his arm at Zhang Song, his finger pointed straight at the other man's face. "You have nothing meaningful to say and we do not need to hear it either."

"Ice burn!" Zhong Hui laughed as a massive lightning bolt appeared above Zhang Song's head, striking him down.

"Can someone get him off the stage?" Zhao Yun called out. "That was brutal..."

"Can anyone provide me with a decent challenge?" Sima Yi laughed.

"Zhongda, please get off the stage. We need to set up our rematch of Zhuge Liang VS Wang Lang."

"Zhuge Liang?!" Sima Yi fumed. "Zhuge Liang?! Why is it always him?... Why...?"

At this point Xu Zhu himself climbed up onto the stage that Sima Yi was standing, grabbed him, and threw him off.

(To Be Continued... Maybe...)


End file.
